You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she looked like the before picture.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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