I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
