I think my fart just growled at me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
