But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
