Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
