Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
