I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
