he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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