im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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