Your face is a jimmy john
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
