So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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