Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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