Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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