the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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