Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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