no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
