U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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