There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
