she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
