***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
