You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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