dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
