if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
