He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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