why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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