I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
