Someone shit on the floor
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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