From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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