I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
