is your mom at the bar?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
