the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
