WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you never un-have a 4some
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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