I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
