areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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