Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
