wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I could fuck to npr.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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