If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
