I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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