No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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