She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
