Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
