i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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