life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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