we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
