I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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