My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
