he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize