Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
