This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
