I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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