FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I still have a little drunk in my system
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
