and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
