And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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