she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
