smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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